Have you been hungry to live into a life that you love, but end up struggling to make any lasting, fulfilling change on your own? Or just kind of ignoring that unfulfilled feeling because you're not sure what to do about it?
I did that for years, trying all sorts of things, mostly giving up, but eventually learning how to move towards what I loved in life in ways that felt easy instead of impossible. Every step of the way.
Here are 3 simple tricks I've learned to create what you love with ease instead of effort:
- Wrap what you want to do in relationships & community instead of going at it alone. I wanted to write a memoir but was experiencing all sorts of resistance to writing. In the bad moments, I'd turn this on myself, wonder why I was so terrible at self-discipline, and decide I probably didn't really want to write a memoir. Or, I'd try to figure out why I wasn't writing and psychoanalyze my resistance. But once I signed up to be part of a group of women writing memoir where I had to bring some of my writing every few weeks, everything changed. I still faced resistance. But I could overcome it a lot more easily. We're social creatures. And for many of us, being in community and moving towards a shared aim is motivating, inspiring and fun. It strengthens our resolve and helps us be braver. It allows us to be inspired by and inspire others, which propels us in growing faster. I didn't need more self-discipline--a more stoic work ethic and will to write alone--I needed more joy, more community, more relationships, more support.
- Stop trying harder to force results & start making the experience more pleasurable. I wanted to be drinking more water. It felt important to my health. But I really find water boring and bland. Which means I end up drinking less rather than more. Our brains are pleasure seeking machines. I just hadn't found a way to use this to my advantage yet. Then, a friend mentioned she really loved fruit infused water: water with a little lemon, or lime, or orange or raspberry. It was an easy thing to try, so I put a pitcher of water in the refrigerator with a little lime juice in it. And voila! Now I wanted to drink water because it tasted good. And I wanted to change up the flavor each day to create more variety and interest. I used pleasure to help me motivate rather than trying to force myself to drink water I found boring. And now I actually get excited to reach into the fridge to have another glass of fruity water.
- Remember that resistance doesn't necessarily mean you don't want to do something. It just means you're not used to doing it. And some of our brains resist doing new things more than others, though all of us experience resistance to doing something new that's not our norm. The more important something is to feeling fulfilled in our lives, the harder it will be to do and the more we will resist it. Which is why it's so important to find ways to work creatively & respectfully with your brain and its fears rather than trying to strong arm and self-discipline your way to results. And I've found that if I'm encountering too much resistance to move through on my own, an easy way to keep myself moving forward rather than giving up is to work with someone, usually my life coach, and to remind myself that my resistance is something to celebrate! It means I'm growing, not that something is wrong with me. And it means I have stepped out of a life that feels more like going through the motions than one that feels alive, dynamic, and fulfilling.
If you'd like to fulfill more of you in your life and learn to let it be easy rather than feeling like a failure to self-discipline, check out my 8-week class starting on Tuesday, July 6 at 5:00 pm and sign up for a 30-minute discovery call to learn more. Space is limited.